My prediction for the Electoral College certification

Here is my prediction for what will happen today when Congress meets to certify the results of the Electoral College.

Mike Pence is going to pull out Johnny Carson’s old Carnac the Magnificent hat and do a Carnac routine. Before opening each state’s results, he’ll hold each sealed envelope to his forehead, “predicting” what is in each envelope, with each prediction being a hilarious dig at Trump’s expense.

Mitch McConnell — who must be furious at Trump for his hand in what appears to be the GOP losing the two Senate seats in Georgia and giving Democrats control of the Senate — will play the comedic straight man (shouldn’t be too hard for him to do) and deadpan his role handing the envelopes to Pence.

If you’re too young to know who the Great Carnac is, here’s a clip of Johnny Carson doing the skit that injects some politics into his act (which from what I’ve read was the exception rather than the rule). The Great Carnac, as portrayed by Johnny Carson decades ago, might be considered borderline offensive nowadays, but I have no doubt that it wouldn’t prevent Pence and McConnell from going ahead with it anyway.

My not-so-serious take on what will happen in the Senate today is below the video.

Carnac the Magnificent

McConnell: Here are the sealed results for each of the 50 states. They have never been seen before by any man or woman alive today, and we’ll include Mitt Romney in that although he’s so stiff I sometimes have my doubts (scattered laughter in the Senate).

Shall I hand you the first envelope, O Great Carnac?

Pence: Yes, you shall. May I have the first envelope, from the state of Alabama?

McConnell: Here is the envelope, o wise one.

Pence (holding envelope to forehead): The biggest crybaby of all time.

McConnell: The biggest crybaby of all time.

Pence: Soon to be ex-president Donald Trump!

(Senate Democrats burst out laughing. Many Senate GOP members can’t help themselves and laugh as well.)

[…later…]

Pence: May I have the envelope for Arizona? (takes envelopes, puts it against his forehead). Will enjoy working with the GOP and undermining progressives at every turn.

McConnell: (repeats Pence)

Pence: Our duly elected president, Joe Biden!

(Bernie Sanders applauds, dead silence from the rest of the room)

Pence: Ooh, tough crowd. It’s going to be a long two years for y’all, glad I’ll be on a plane to Poland tonight.

And, scene!

I’m kind of (actually, very) worried what’s actually going to happen, so I needed something to distract me. Hope at least some of it made you laugh, at least the Johnny Carson clip! If not, let’s at least hope democracy lives to see another day tomorrow.